Work has been…harrowing…I guess is the word I would use. I mean, it’s great. But it’s also exhausting. I remind myself that last year, when I started my first job, I was exhausted all the time. I remind myself that there is an adjustment period during which I must find my sea-legs, or court-legs. I repeat to myself over and over and over again that I can do this, that I will get the hang of it.
But it’s really hard. It’s really, really hard. There is a lot of balls in the air and I need to be organized, which is not a personal strength of mine. So today, when a fellow lawyer who has started a new job was online during my lunch break, I im’d her to ask her if she also felt like she was drowning. She agreed, and then asked if I wanted to go for a walk. It was exactly what I needed – a twenty minute walk in which I was allowed to list all of my issues and all of the big giant bumps in the road, and at the end of all of my griping about my general ineptitude, she just looked at me and asked me if I felt like, once all the training crazy dies down, I feel like I’m in the right job.
Which I do. So that’s the good news. The bad news is that it’s really hard. But I think I’m getting there. It’s funny, because I haven’t been truly challenged in so long, and I forgot how scary awesome it is. For the last seven months I have done a job that I can do, where I didn’t have any huge responsibilities and I had somebody to check my work every step of the way. Now, I have a job where it’s really just me, on my own, representing clients and my representation can determine whether they win or not. I manage my own caseload. I realized today as I was scheduling appointments that for the first time, I’m really in charge of when I meet with clients (because I don’t have to share a conference room) and whether or not I take their case. There are people in law firms that don’t have this much responsibility until they make partner. It is awesome. And well, harrowing.
So yeah. That’s how it’s going. I miss you guys though. Not a lot of blogging/tweeting time is available right now.