I never ask my husband if he thinks I look fat. This is for two reasons, the first being that I’m not stupid and the second being that I know my husband. Asking my husband if I look fat serves to do nothing except start a fight or otherwise make trouble. The second thing is that my husband doesn’t notice fat (he divides women into “too thin” “just right” and “extremely overweight”). To fall into the “extremely overweight” category, you probably have to weigh well over 200lbs. This is why I have to remember to not be offended when he compares me to women I think I am thinner than, but he doesn’t notice the difference.
If I want to know if a dress makes me look fat, I ask. But I don’t ask it like that. The trick is to ask something that deflects the question from your body to your outfit, for example, “does this dress look okay?” Usually, he says, “yes, it’s fine” but sometimes he says, “it’s pulling funny” or “something doesn’t look right.” Sometimes, the something is me, but he doesn’t have to say it, and I can blame the dress and go change.
I also don’t ask him if he thinks I look pretty. He married me, and he always thinks I look pretty. Pretty is the baseline. I know I look good when he says to me, “you look really good”. He spent the first three years of our relationship discouraging me from wearing makeup, so now, when I wear makeup, I do ask him if it looks okay, or if I put too much on. He’ll tell me, and sometimes he says my lipstick isn’t right or I’m wearing too much eye “stuff”.
How do you get your spouse to give you meaningful feedback?