It’s that time folks. Just. Get. A. Job. time. This morning I applied for a job at a local organic grocery store. This afternoon we walked past a local wine store and they had a now hiring sign in the window. I stopped in and picked up an application. As I filled out the application, I felt increasingly humiliated. I filled it out, shooting desperate looks at my husband, hoping he would say, “you don’t have to do this.” He didn’t. Because we both know that the truth is that it is time for me to make some money and actually contribute to this family. You could sit here and argue that I’m contributing to this family just by existing, but we all know that’s just bull.
I’m also honestly burned out from all the job searching. It’s exhausting. So if I can cut myself a little slack by finding something part-time, I’ll take that opportunity. The problem is, I’m pretty embarassed by it. I didn’t expect to be. I expected to be like other people who admit to waiting tables or tending bar to make money while they are looking for full time employment. I expected to get over the silly hangups my parent taught me growing up about getting jobs that were “beneath me”. I expected to shrug this off and say, “it’s a job.” Yet somehow…I feel embarassed.
Some of the people I’ve shared this with have laughed at me, others have given me pitying looks. A few are understanding. Truthfully, I believe that this struggle to find a job will have a huge role in shaping my career path, and if I can make a job happen that pays the bills so I don’t end up making a poor choice career-wise, I will do that. For now. And the advantage of retail is that I will probably actively dislike it, which will fuel my drive to find something I love. That sounds better to me than lawyering someplace I can’t quit and spend every day looking for a new job. Or so I tell myself.