Empty

Some days, I feel really empty at the end of the day.  I feel like I was unproductive, didn’t give enough, didn’t do enough, didn’t make enough stuff happen.  I come away from these days feeling empty and somewhat…listless.

I don’t really know what to do with myself on these days – sometimes, I try to cook or exercise the uncertainty and pain away.  Sometimes I just cry to my husband, who reminds me that it’s okay.  Sometimes I call up an old friend and spend awhile bitching about the economy and my life.  Somedays, like today, I sit down and restart my job search, re-energized, thinking, “I have had enough of feeling like this.”

So what am I applying for now?  I’m applying for summer internships directed at 2Ls, and at Fellowships that require that the participants have a college degree.  And I’m hoping that I get them.  I’m so close to starting my cover letters with, “as a recent law school graduate NO SERIOUSLY PLEASE KEEP READING” that it’s really getting to me.

There are good days though.  I promise.  Like yesterday.  Yesterday was a good day.  I met with a client and wrote a deed.  I had an encouraging conversation with a friend where she said, “I’m really glad you are keeping your legal brain nimble and putting your mad lawyering skills to work.”  Which was, frankly, exactly what I needed to hear.  And it is exactly what a lot of my friends in the profession need to hear.  My latest fear isn’t that I won’t get a job – it’s that when I do, I’ll be so rusty that I’ll be bad at it.

I’m also encouraged by something that Meg said yesterday on APW.  How is a wedding website relevant you ask?  Well, Meg sold a book.  Which is awesome.  But she said something that I keep turning over and over and over.  She said, “we all have access to success.”  I’m going to have to work very, very hard to make success happen for me; but I have access to success.  I know people who worked hard and got jobs so I know it works.  I just have to start actually making it happen for myself.

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1 Comment

Filed under Job Search, Unemployed, Volunteering

One response to “Empty

  1. I think keeping your legal brain nimble is the best thing you can do at a time like this. Staying active, not getting rusty will be what puts you ahead of other people who just fold us when they aren’t finding any jobs.

    I’ve been really down myself about my career lately. But hearing people talk about making your own success is really inspiring and reminds me that I’m not stuck (even though it feels like I am sometimes).

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