Some days, I feel really empty at the end of the day. I feel like I was unproductive, didn’t give enough, didn’t do enough, didn’t make enough stuff happen. I come away from these days feeling empty and somewhat…listless.
I don’t really know what to do with myself on these days – sometimes, I try to cook or exercise the uncertainty and pain away. Sometimes I just cry to my husband, who reminds me that it’s okay. Sometimes I call up an old friend and spend awhile bitching about the economy and my life. Somedays, like today, I sit down and restart my job search, re-energized, thinking, “I have had enough of feeling like this.”
So what am I applying for now? I’m applying for summer internships directed at 2Ls, and at Fellowships that require that the participants have a college degree. And I’m hoping that I get them. I’m so close to starting my cover letters with, “as a recent law school graduate NO SERIOUSLY PLEASE KEEP READING” that it’s really getting to me.
There are good days though. I promise. Like yesterday. Yesterday was a good day. I met with a client and wrote a deed. I had an encouraging conversation with a friend where she said, “I’m really glad you are keeping your legal brain nimble and putting your mad lawyering skills to work.” Which was, frankly, exactly what I needed to hear. And it is exactly what a lot of my friends in the profession need to hear. My latest fear isn’t that I won’t get a job – it’s that when I do, I’ll be so rusty that I’ll be bad at it.
I’m also encouraged by something that Meg said yesterday on APW. How is a wedding website relevant you ask? Well, Meg sold a book. Which is awesome. But she said something that I keep turning over and over and over. She said, “we all have access to success.” I’m going to have to work very, very hard to make success happen for me; but I have access to success. I know people who worked hard and got jobs so I know it works. I just have to start actually making it happen for myself.