Weight for it…

I’m friends with a bunch of awesome women on Twitter and last night we all got into a talk about weight and how we deal with our weight and how our weight works in our relationships.  Here is how weight discussions work betwen Mr. Porro and me:

About his weight:

Me: “Have you gained/lost weight?”
Him: “Yeah I’m up/down 10lbs”

About my weight:

Me: “My pants don’t fit.”
Him: “I’m sorry.”

When I used to discuss my weight, especially when I was heavy and it would really bum me out, my poor husband didn’t know what to say.  My husband used to respond with something like, “well, you look good to me” or something like that.  Which wasn’t really helpful – he was trying to be nice, but in some ways, that niceness is simply enabling.  In other ways, it’s degrading – as if, since my man likes how I look, I shouldn’t worry about it.  I’ve had other people say stuff like, “who cares about your weight as long as your boyfriend thinks you’re hot?” 

For starters, I care.  Even though I’ve come a long way since my disordered eating days back in middle school and my high school struggles in which I spent every weekend feeling fat and crying (my best friends seriously baffle me as to why they are still friends with me), I still care about how I look.  I care about looking good, and more importantly, I care about feeling good.  When I feel good about myself, I’m more fun to be around and a much less self-absorbed friend.  When I feel crummy about myself, I fall down a rabbit-hole of self-pity.  (See also: “why nobody wants to be my friend now that I’m unemployed.”) When I feel really good, even if I weigh the same as I did when I feel bad, I’m much more plesant and I have a lot more confidence. 

This plays into my professionalism as well.  It really is important to dress yourself professionally and in a way that is flattering.  Because say what you will, but any kind of unsightly bulging will draw attention to a person in a negative way.  It’s simply something that people notice.  I don’t mean to offend anyone here – I’m not saying lose weight, just emphasizing the important of clothing that fits.  I’m saying that as a professional woman, I need to own clothing that fits me, rather than digging in, riding up, or bursting open.  That kind of attire makes a person look sloppy, and looking put together is unfortunately an important part of being a professional.  So suck it up and buy a pair of dress pants and a shirt or two that will fit you until you get back down to your own weight.  Also get a bra that fits, and make friends with camisoles – they help smooth everything out and make you look more put together.  If you are short on cash, fortunately these are the kinds of things that are pretty timeless and easy to find at thrift stores – I am always seeing Ann Taylor shirts and nice black pants at the local Goodwill.  It’s good to have a few forgiving pieces in the back of the closet, just in case.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Weight for it…

  1. Yes, I feel like I’m a much nicer person to be around when I feel good, and I feel my best at a lower weight. Also, the thing about the professional attire is so true — when you weigh more it changes your shape, your clothes don’t fit, and you don’t look professional. But not having very much money doesn’t allow you to buy clothes, which makes you feel worse, which increases appetite for bad things. At least that’s my cycle.

    But I have to say I’m finally breaking through the weight that I starting putting on a year ago (during thesis writing) and struggled with all summer and fall to shed. It seemed like I could only gain weight, I wasn’t losing at all. Maybe it was because I allowed myself to overindulge so much at Christmas, but it’s like my body has said enough and is actually somehow getting myself to go to the gym and eat less. I always say to listen to your body.

    • vadoporroesq

      I’m all about listening to my body. Since I no longer have a gym, I’ve been experimenting a lot with different combinations of workouts and also monitoring my calorie intake more. I’m finally getting to the point where I don’t crave sugar as much, and where I want to eat fruit instead of candy. Sometimes. Candy is delicious.

  2. Yes yes yes to all of this. I gained around 7lbs in 6 weeks this winter from crazy stress eating and I’m trying to get rid of it — both because the stress eating is incredibly unhealthy for me (“what do you MEAN this bag of Cheetos is empty?”) and because, yeah, I want to fit back into my damn pants.

    My husband has trouble with my weight talk too. He will sweetly insist that *he* still thinks I’m sexy, but he gets frustrated when that doesn’t immediately pull me out of my funk, and in turn I get really annoyed at him for not acknowledging how *I* feel about my body. I couldn’t articulate it this way until you and A. pointed it out, but you’re right, the issue is that I feel like he’s saying “whether or not you feel good about yourself should depend on my validation.” Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that my partner thinks I’m a hottie even with 5 extra pounds, but that doesn’t change the fact that my pants are now so tight they’re indecent.

    Something that’s helped me (and I know it’s not for everyone) is calorie counting — I keep a food diary at Fitday.com. It really helps me cut down on the mindless stress eating and think about portions and vitamins and all that other good stuff.

    • vadoporroesq

      I track using the My Fitness Pal app on my touch and it’s been helping a lot. I’m finally starting to see progress! Pants still don’t quite fit.

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