I got a call on Monday which informed me that I was, in fact, not starting my new job on Tuesday. Or in fact, ever. The firm had decided to make do without hiring a temporary secretary. After telling me I had the job. I feel both extremely annoyed by this and also extremely cheated. I was so careful about not being really happy, or not celebrating, or not really telling anybody until they told me I had the job. And now people are wishing me luck and all excited for me and I have to explain what happened.
Which is just a cherry on top of the suckyness that is the job search right now. I will write, at some point, more about how generally demoralizing it is. (I had thought the worst was the people who treated me like I was unemployed because I wasn’t trying hard enough, but in fact, the worst is the people who tried less hard than I did, got jobs, and now eye me with a mix of pity and sympathy.) But what I want to talk about now is disappointment, and having the rug yanked out from under you.
For starters, I was really excited about paying rent and going to happy hour. My new rainboots are going back, since I don’t have anywhere to wear them. I was even more excited about going to an office that had a fitness center, and the 2 hours of reading I would get done on the train. I was looking forward to feeling like an equal in my relationship, and I most importantly was looking forward to getting to work and do something and maybe even be good at it. I was looking forward to learning more about an area of the law that I know nothing about.
To add insult to injury, a number of people immediately asked, “so what are you going to do?” Uh. Uh. Let me think about that for more than a minute. I guess I will keep job hunting, just like I have been for four months? I will suck it up and write more cover letters and resumes. I will get better at following up on jobs that I have applied for. I will network. I just wish I wasn’t so bitter that I have to start it up again sooner than I was hoping for.