Vado Porro is latin for “go further”. Which is kind of funny when you consider that I’m unemployed and am not going anywhere right now.
I never realized, until becoming unemployed, how difficult it is to be unemployed. People I talk to act as if it must be the greatest thing ever, like being on vacation. But the truth is that vacation is fun, but it isn’t cheap. If I could amuse myself by shopping all day, or crafting excessively, then I might enjoy unemployment more – but when my last job ended, I committed to not spending money I didn’t have, and didn’t need to spend. So I don’t go shopping and I don’t buy crafting tools or fabric, which sometimes hinders my crafting.
I thought, that with being unemployed, I would spend a lot of time at the gym. I’d be unemployed, but I’d be in great shape at least!!! No. I wound up quitting the gym, and it turns out that inertia plays a huge roll in whether you work out or not. It’s hard to get up and go to the gym when you don’t really need to get up and go anywhere. If it was summer, I’d be out running or riding my bike during the long empty days, but it’s winter and it’s cold and snowy and I’m reluctant to go outside.
The hardest part is definitely the guilt. I feel guilty about living off my husband and I feel guilty for not getting a job. I need to get past this feeling of guilt, but it’s difficult to feel like my unemployment isn’t my fault. Everyone keeps telling me that it’s not me, it’s the economy is so bad. But I have been on so many job interviews in the past year that I can’t help but wonder if I was smarter, better at interviewing, or more likeable, I would be employed. Which makes me feel like a bit of a failure, and consequently makes me feel guilty for sitting at home all day and spending my husband’s money.
So part of the point of this blog is to make a promise to myself. That promise is to “go further”, to get beyond the guilt, the laziness, the inertia that has come with being unemployed. The other point of this blog is frankly, to share my misery with others. Because what I have learned about blogging in the past is: I am not alone. And misery loves company, so please, keep me company while I try to reinvent my life and create a career that lets me do what I want to do, in an economy that won’t let me do anything.